Well, I’m FINALLY getting around to writing this “geek mom” blog I was so previously ecstatic to start when I was in my first trimester. Obviously, pregnancy sapped my motivation and any last “give a fuck” I might have in reserve – because let’s be honest, living every day for four months with the worst kind of sea-sick like nausea I’ve ever experienced combined with hormone fluctuations that make me feel like I’m basically a bloated wildebeest for the next five months will likely cause anyone to hermit themselves. But hey, now that Hazel is two months old, now is as good a time as any, right?
-the state of being a mother; maternity.
-the qualities or spirit of a mother.
What kind of definition is that, dictionary? Where’s the part about lugging around a rapidly growing tiny human inside your body for almost a year? The massive bloating and ankle swelling? The ridiculous mood swings that would convince even the most emotionally stable woman that they’re going insane? The ultra bizzaro dreams that rival any produced from late night drinking and Taco Bell “sober up” meals? The warning about not being able to breathe properly because feet and knees will be where your lungs used to reside? Where’s the bit about pushing a watermelon out of a 10-centimeter hole and literally ripping yourself a new asshole? The part where when you’re holding this brand new human for the first time, you are smacked with overwhelming emotions you can’t articulate? Where’s the part about falling in love so hard it paralyzes you and then rebirths you? What about the 6-8 weeks (or more) of healing and recovery, both mental and physical? Nipples getting turned into hamburger the first few weeks of breastfeeding? Surely you wouldn’t leave the bit about utter exhaustion that’s all-consuming and leads to sobbing uncontrollably for hours? Or, you know, the fact that you’re now responsible for the proper raising of an actual human life forever?
Yeah. And that’s just pregnancy and the first few weeks; I’m still learning the rest.
I make it seem so beautiful and glamorous, right?
Cynicism and snark aside, I’ll have you know that I didn’t and don’t hate anything about the journey to being a mommy. Yes, it was hard for me – the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my entire life, to be exact – but it is also the most incredible and rewarding experience I’ve ever known. There are beautiful parts to all of the ugly and it’s easy to bypass them in miserable and painful moments, but they are there and they make it as close to “worth it” as I can possibly feel.
As I sit to begin this blog, it’s been 9 weeks since Hazel Rowan entered this world as a viable human and I still cannot believe it. She is the baby I literally dreamed I would have, but never thought I would. This blog will attempt to convey the experiences we share as best and candidly as I can. I hope you enjoy my word-vomit and maybe even relate to it or learn something useful in your journey, wherever that road may lead you.